Ah! Marriage!

To Be Or Not to Be…

And that 20-something time, you graduate, have a job..Yeh! you are ‘eligible’ to get married! No matter, what you feel about it. People say “Don’t get married at 25, marry when you want”, but for your parents and aunties and uncles! As if your ‘bachelor’ status is not bearable to them!

We all think, at least me, that parents today have become liberal, have changed with time, but when it comes to ‘marriage’, everything turns orthodox! Poor parents, they too are bound with ‘societal pressure’ after all. Attending marriages is like landing in a soup with some random relatives starting making matches with the ideal one. Your mother starts getting palpitations the moment she hears your friend getting married! It is also that time when social networking turns into a nightmare- you open your facebook page to find one of your best buddies posting marriage pictures, the biggest life event, becoming single to married, all in love.. Making you feel more lonely, for your best friend is not all yours, isn’t it? ;) It also becomes the topic of your discussion with friends that you have been trying to avoid from a long time! So, it’s not only adolescence, it’s also that ‘to-be bride/ groom’ transcending phase that needs to be handled carefully! We need help! 

‘Kitna bada ho gaya hai apka beta, iske liye ladki dekhi ya nahi’ and there it starts! Anger boils- you feel like.. but you only go helpless!

Suddenly everybody wants to get you married. People are after your life. When will you say yes? As if that’s the only task left to do on earth! Parents do what they do the best- 'Blackmailing'- "If you do not get married at the right age...." (by now the reasons are by heart..you complete the sentence before your parents :D) Preparing biodatas (with photoshop photos) for marriages, posting on matrimonies, your community portals, the match-fixing agents! Really? All for you didn’t find your life partner yourself! ;D

Your parents’ long conversations on phone, spying through some common link, comparing qualifications, salary packages, eating habits, lifestyle, sneaking facebook profiles, coffee meetings- and of course, how do you know someone in one meeting? How about the ‘shuk- shuk’ formula from Munnabhai, what say? :D

‘Kya kami hai isme?’, they say and ‘umm! hmm!..’ Be ready with your reasons. Didn’t think convincing your own parents was that difficult! And you reject one, there will be some mama-mausi calling for ‘mere chachi ki bhabhi ke mause ke bhanje ka rishta hai’… the stock is never-ending. Girls, all that ‘Dilwale Dulhaniya..’ and chocolate heroes become stark fiction and you suddenly happen to face practicality in life.

One of my friends rightly said, a 25-year old, independent and unmarried girl is ‘not valid’. So hurry up and club her with the Mr. Right, whom they think!

Even more embarrassing is the ‘chai-poha’ traditional programmes, (dressing up for a stranger), putting both the boy and girl in awkward situations. Thank God, we have come out of the ‘choosing without seeing’, ‘walk and show’, ‘sing a song’ rut! Mayhem!

After all this, permutation- combination, rituals, traditions, astrological angles and social practices, they say ‘Jodis are made in heaven’! JJJ

Finding Love- Intro..

Looking lazily out of the window that had rolling drops of the recent drizzle, she wondered where she went wrong, why she went wrong in identifying ‘true love’, that she was so confident of; or whether such thing even existed! Little did she know it was knocking from the back door!

‘Reserve’ for those who ‘Deserve’!

One with x number of marks gets into a good college, and one with x+ doesn't! To any logical mind, this is injustice! Why does our education system not understand this? A piece of an article written by a student today arose the many suppressed but rebellious feelings that I too faced sometime back, just like many unfortunate others. For those who fall on either side, it may not make a difference. But for a student who dreams  to pursue an MBBS doesn't get through a college and his/her counterpart does that with even lesser marks, it isn't a pleasant feeling, friends! Reservations! For those underprivileged- agreed! But for how long, now the sides are getting reversed. It isn't great to be born in the ‘open’ category, or if your family annual earnings come into the ‘creamy layer’ (applicable for some castes), it just means you need to work harder than your ‘reserved category’ counterparts to seek a seat in an educational institute. It’s a mockery when you hear someone saying, ‘I will get through, as I have the caste certificate’!- especially when we talk that religion, caste, creed and sex should in no way influence rights of an individual, as per our ‘secular’ constitution. Even Dr. Babasaheb Ambedkar wanted the practice to be in effect only for 10 years. When you want to abide by the laws of the constitution, why not fully?

Are reservations a foolproof solution for the betterment of the underprivileged- the poor? Today, anyone from the upper castes can be poor and those from ‘so called’ categorized lower castes can be richer. Then how do you allot seats? A poor meritorious student may not be able to take up Engineering or any course, considered by society to be ‘opulent’, just because he doesn't fall into one of those categories. How fair is it to waive off lakhs to a student coming from a rich background, just because he/she was born with a ‘reserved caste’ tag. And with jobs it’s another horizon! It’s not just giving opportunities or a seat, it is a question of the career prospects, dreams, aspirations and the most formative and decisive years of an individual!

A solution could be to just provide scholarships or excuse fees for meritorious, deserving students. Then our country will have managers, doctors and officers who actually deserve to be there. When ‘equality’ is a trending word today, isn't it time to re-consider the basics where the future of the country takes its shape?

Get Set and Go....

It’s startling how one can realize one’s dreams in today's world. It’s just an idea and slowly and steadily you see it shaping up. That indeed, is the biggest achievement of all! In today’s digital era with the common man’s pocket getting slightly heavier and investors keen to acknowledge fresh talent; budding entrepreneurs have a fair chance. You look around and you find so many start-ups, youngsters turning businessmen in no time. With mouth publicity, famous in the Indian context, we have today social media pages and groups to convey ideas and reach masses in no time.

Well, of course there are failures, but taking risks is inevitable. An article ‘Thank God I failed!’ shows every cloud has a silver lining, provided you continue to persevere. Also, there are unforeseen circumstances that may appear out of the blue. Eg. Deepak Ravindran form Bengaluru founded Innoz. Its flagship product, SMS- Gyan allowed mobile users to search the web by sending an SMS. This was the time of 2012, not far behind, when having internet in mobile phones was not that common. Innoz raised $ 3million. And just the following year, the boom of technology threatened to make text messages redundant. So you see the amount of uncertainty. Today you buy a laptop and you think I am updated; and don’t need to worry for at least the next five years and you never know the tech giants may be planning to launch something new at the same time, different space zone. Well, that is the fact. But Ravindran didn’t step back. He rebounded with ‘Lookup’ that helps merchants chat without sharing their numbers. Eventually, Lookup raised a seed funding of $ 4,00,000.

Furthermore, we know the stories of Walt Disney and Oprah Winfrey. “It’s not how far you fall, but how high you bounce that counts”, says Abhishek Kumar. Now when you read somebody clubbing the idea of traditional business of Benarasi sarees with an internet venture, it seems a brilliant idea. It did work well for a short period, but the luck god had other plans. Within a year, two of his ventures BeanrasiSarees and a career guiding forum doomed. But for his next, Kumar was back with his area of expertise- SchoolMitra, cloud based app.

“Failures are the stepping stones to success.” I know it is easy said than done. But here I feel like reiterating the great Thomas Edison’s quote- “I have not failed. I have just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” So, you can just push yourself that extra inch, you may be next to accomplishment. But we wary to invent something that looks apprehensive like Ahmed Mohamed’s invention (Pun intended). He invented a clock that seemed like a bomb to his teachers and thus, was arrested! But soon, he was backed by the US president and Zuckerberg. Not only this, this 14-year old chap has an invitation to the White House and Facebook! So all’s well that ends well!

For guys in the digital age, there’s nothing that can hold you back. Also with PM Modi relaxing the entrepreneurship norms and encouraging start-ups, you can count on Achhe din. It was also Abdul Kalam’s idea and he mentions it in ‘Ignited Minds’ that start ups should be encouraged. Government should stop being skeptical; believe and trust the capabilities of innovators. We wouldn’t have had Facebook for Mark Zuckerberg and ordering goods from Snapdeal which was started as a daily deals platform in 2011 by two graduates. So let your ideas blossom. You never know how far you can go until you start!

Minimalism- the way ahead!

Minimalism- the way ahead!

In a Sunday article, New York Times reporter Nick Bilton said he once asked Jobs, “So your kids must love the iPad?” Jobs responded, “They haven’t used it. We limit how much technology our kids use at home.”

“Back to basics”- an article in the Times truly impressed and inspired me. When business honchos are in a rat race to acquire property, costly possessions, be it smart phones, gadgets, luxury, we see other strata of society disowning this material wealth in order to ‘declutter’ them, avoid fuss and lead a simple life. Other celebrities in the league are Oprah Winfrey who auctioned her favourite possessions, the Twilight Saga star Robert Pattinson who doesn't own a house and our very own Siddharth Malhotra who cycles to work! Veteran Marathi actor Vijay Chavan is able to do all his work and adhere to commitments without a cell phone!

Well, as it is rightly said, “Nature gives enough to satisfy everyone’s needs and not everyone’s greed”, it’s time to draw the line. A social activist set example by collecting clothes, unwanted materials from those who had excess and distributed them to the poor and needy in a noble effort to ‘bridge the gap’. Filling your houses and lives with stuff also clusters your mind. It is a well known fact that the poor sleeps calmly, while the rich depend on sleeping pills worrying about the same assets he thought were ‘comfort’ and ‘luxury’. What an irony! Again the question of the century pops up- “Materialistic things are made for us or vice versa?”

One will agree life was much peaceful before the invention of electronic gadgets. At least we were not hooked to screens! We have also become more dependent- the calculations we did at the back of mind, today need electronic assistance, we don’t remember contact numbers because we have out sourced the memory job to our smart phones. We have gradually knowingly or unknowingly, drifted from the analytical and logical potential that is naturally gifted to us. If this continues and we tend to exploit more of the technological resources, I am afraid the little 10% of the brain that we use today too will soon be diminishing. Let not the creators of smart phones become ‘dumber’ and the latter ‘smarter’. Hence, wise parents have now resorted to schools without computers, where manual work is encouraged after knowing the consequences of excessive use of technology and mind you, these are from the Silicon Valley!

We can start with small steps to minimize the assistance of gadgets/ accessories. Allow yourself some break, stop by to ‘wait and watch’, feel the earth below, the swirling of trees, breeze, look above for the sky, may be count the stars and world will appear larger with new horizons and much peaceful! This also helps to connect with the inner self, which most of the time in the hustle of hectic routine is forgotten. Of course, we cannot break completely; we do need modern amenities, but let them be a ‘tool’ and not a ‘ruler’. Neither will one desire to go back to mundane, ‘black and white world’, but it’s important to restore the lost connect with nature and ultimately with self.

In our society, ‘status’ or ‘well being’ to put it subtly, is often judged by one’s possessions. In youngsters it’s almost ‘peer pressure’ to have the latest smart phone, outfits, branded accessories etc. When in reality they don’t help provide much satisfaction. The value of the thing after purchase is lost. It fascinates and the craving lasts only till it falls in your hands and gradually it doesn't seem to be ‘so exciting’ any more.

“Simple living and high thinking” is a mantra we have known from all time, and to cut the chaos and complexity in life, we should think of implementing it. The great Indian epic and philosophical guide Bhagavad Gita says to find eternal happiness and peace, one needs to look inside and not search for it outside.

Quotes Courtney Carver, author of Be More with Less, “The purpose of minimalism is to remove the things in your life that don’t serve you, so that you can make room for the things that do. When you eliminate the excess, you’ll gain more clarity about what you really need for a healthy, happy life.”

Sources used: Times Life

Trend or 'the end'?

Trend or ‘the end’?

‘Trends’ are something rightly and aptly associated with Gen Y. Something new is the market is followed, practiced or 'aped' and rule the roots; be it fashion, art, social networking practices etc. But when this turns into obsession, it can and has ruined lives. The desperation to get to the site to post a very exciting happening, or to try out something new when not eligible just because people are talking about it have become common practices among the youth. And the media has mocked it well with jokes of a boy running to his PC to update his status from 'single' to 'in a relationship' immediately after proposal, a woman clung to screen immediately after delivery to inform the world...lol! Where are we rushing and what for? This has certainly surpassed the purposes of mere entertainment, knowledge or building social circles and has given rise to 21^st century ugly heads like FOMO (Fear of missing out), SMAD (Social Media Anxiety Disorder), electronic aggression, peer pressure etc.

Got a new dress? Partying with friends, one for the DP, one for the family album or for ‘the ice bucket challenge’ and it goes click, click, click.. The ‘selfies’, ‘wefies’, ‘backfies’, (any more?) have engulfed the younger generation like never before! So much so is the obsession that it’s now proving fatal. It’s high time for parents to interrupt and pull the chords for it's better late than never. People are forgetting the 'real' world, lost in the enticing, ever hypnotizing virtual world around

. Sadly, it's a common sight to see a group of friends sitting together but glued to their screens, chatting with virtual friends! And if this continues, it won't be long when two people meet and one says, "Sorry I didn't recognize you?". The other replies with a look, "hey, you were chatting with me the other day on facebook!" Flabbergasted. "Really?" Thanks to Photoshop!...lol

On a more serious note, many shocking instances of taking selfies over perilous spots like over a train, near/ with fire etc. have been reported. The recent Nepal earthquake had people posing in front of dilapidated temples, probably to gain some likes on their facebook page, to make them ‘popular’! Another one had a student posting continuous updates after being shot even from the operation theatre! And yet another saddening incident was where a youth was filming his friend’s suicide! The story of a person capturing an accident, while he lay without help and that of an animal pulling another injured one to other side of the road for healing, do shake the human conscience. In today's 'instant' world, let us remind ourselves. What is important? Saving or reporting? 

Well Mark Zuckerberg, Kevin Systrom or Apple for that matter, wouldn't definitely have had such wild ideas when they built a platform to ‘share’. So next time when you try to overdo, ask yourself- “Who is the subject and who is the object?”

The big fat Indian wedding!

The big fat Indian wedding!

From glitters, pandals, decorations, set ups to expensive designer outfits- the bridal heavy lehengas, mehendi, haldi, jewellery, shagun ki thaali, invitation cards (mind it, it’s the most tedious job of distribution!) to sangeet, return gifts (Uff!) and of course the eater’s delight the wide spread variety of cuisines that ranges from chat, Chinese, Punjabi, desserts and mouth watering dishes are indeed an extravagant, flamboyant, ‘larger than life’ affairs, and why not for it’s one of the most special occasions in life!

So many dreams, planning from choosing the right saree to the matching jewellery, hair styles to venue to the meticulous details you need to be careful of! And how can you forget the band- baaja, tunes where all young and old dance their hearts out to the latest peppy beats, be it ‘kombdi palali’, ‘ata mazi satakli’ or ‘chikni chameli’ when there is no particular style, choreography, and that’s what we call ‘Ganpati dance’- just to shake a little and throw your limbs in air.

Well, when it’s an ‘Indian’ wedding, there ought to be a series of customs and rituals actually ‘social practices’ that one has to complete! Along with a fortune of expenses, there is an enormous exchange of gifts like sarees for ladies and towels, topi (the Gandhian cap) for the men. What I hate the most is to practice something for the sake of it. People don’t even use the materials as it’s purchased in bulk to be economically feasible and hence most of the times is of ordinary quality and price. Then raises a hustle- bustle between aunties to discuss the utmost unimportant thing in this world- about all those give- and- take gifts, discussing the ‘wholesale price’ and scrutinizing the texture of these materials. Really? Also, because it is not used it is circulated within and change many hands. (Many of those who have gone through this will agree ;)) And if someone gets a better piece of cloth there is a big sigh of disappointment. Then there are other formalities of hospitality, veneration and ‘looking after’ guests that we Indians give overt importance. That they didn’t treat us well, when in reality we know that the hosts have been pre-occupied with a dozen of people and activities around. Sometimes, we expect a lot beyond human capacity. Let me remind all those attention seekers of the phrase ‘No one is perfect!’ Some people just enjoy pointing flaws than seeing the larger picture.

What I actually want to point out is that we give too much importance to petty things and sideline the goodwill and overlook the amount of efforts one takes to make a marriage happen. Also, it’s high time we stop all the ‘aaher’ (exchange gifts) business. Well many mention ‘no gifts accepted, only blessings!’, but at the end, the same old adage applies- ‘Who will bell the cat?’ who will stop these unnecessary customs?

Another issue that peeves us (analytically reasonable audience) off is the fact that the wedding dominantly needs to be hosted (i.e. funded) by the bride’s parents. And if it’s not dowry, there are ornaments, utensils and house-hold commodities to be gifted as part of the ‘shaadi ka basta’. Common sense would tell you it’s illogical, especially when it is an equally important affair for both the bride and groom.

Well, after all, Indian weddings are great ‘get- togethers’, a splash of enjoyment, an occasion of celebration, a break from the rut of routine, freaking time with cousins, that joyful nudging of bhaiya-bhabhis, chacha chachis and yet new relationships! Let not petty issues overshadow the bigger picture, for the big fat Indian wedding is always a special memory captured in those video reels and big fat albums treasured forever!